It's a WUndeRful Life

Happy Holidays, one and all!
A new computer, complete with WiFi, will be installed in Mrs. Weirsdo's study sometime in January! Scarface bless us, every one!
In the meantime, we are visiting the Grandparents Weirsdo, and I look forward to visiting the blog(s) of everyone who is still on commenting terms with me on the grandparents' computer.
But first, answers and an update from everyone's favorite Humbugger, Dr. Minnie Strator.

MEMO
To: "Stuffed Animal Tales" victims
From: Dr. Minnie Strator

Greetings, and, I am not ashamed to say, Merry CHRISTmas!
I feel called upon to clear up Doug's misapprehensions regarding our Diversity Program here at Veryred State University. He wrote: ". . . the very existence of a diversity not sequestered to the `Student Life' department of the administration fairly mocks [Dr. Strator]."
Au contraire, my fellow administrator. The ENTIRE Diversity Program at Veryred State is in fact a stroke of administrative brilliance. No doubt you have forgotten the trivial incident MANY years ago now when several high spirited Veryred students who happened to be Caucasian dressed as lynchers and African American lynchee for a costume party and, in a misguided but completely understandable homage to their heritage, posted pictures of the event on the Internet.
Trifling though this incident was, it nevertheless raised many troubling issues, most obviously, how inexpensively the University administration could show how deeply we care about them. Clearly, serious penalties for the students or their well-endowed fraternity would be out of keeping with Veryred's student-friendly orientation, besides raising unpleasant specters of decreased alumni giving, or even lawsuits. On the other hand, the times we live in being what they are, a simple and more than adequate apology by the studens, their fraternity, and even the Unversity itself, might be judged to be grounds for proceeding with lawsuits from the opposite side of the spectrum, i. e. disgruntled minorities and Liberals.
What to do? Shrinking violet though I generally am when it comes to claiming credit, I must acknowledge that it was I, Dr. Minnie Strator, who found the third horn to the dilemma. Why not launch a fullscale Diversity initiative across the curriculum of the University? This accomplished a staggering number of desirable objectives:
1. Celebration, not punishment. EVERYBODY'S heritage is worth celebrating! Any continued "outrage" over lynch reenactments just looks sour and immature now!
2. Seriousness. The magnitude implied by "across the curriculum" silences anyone who might otherwise accuse the University of not taking the incident "seriously."
3. Administration enlargement. Need I say more? When is this NOT a good thing?
4. Minority hiring. The new chief administrator of the Diversity Program would of COURSE be a minority!
5. Curriculum Dilution. Always dear to my heart. What better way to celebrate diversity than by getting credit for attending cultural events such as movies, concerts, dance events, and theater! All student-centered, non-threatening means of truly engaging the students in Learning!
6. Largely symbolic "awards" for the faculty. Really, no other awards should ever even be considered. Those pointy heads can get really big really fast!
(to be continued . . .)