Weirsdos vs. WUndeR

Diamonelle has no use for administrators.
Originally uploaded by weirsdo

We congratulate Mall Diva on receiving a half scholarship to study with Professor S. at NSU, Mrs. Weirsdo for having a second place winner and an honorable mention student at the Veryred State Music Teachers auditions this year, and Dr. Weirsdo for receiving the Diversity Award from Veryred State University. Dr. Minnie Strator's Operation WUndeR report follows.

Annual Report to the President of Curriculum Dilution and the GOB (Good Ole Boy) Network
Veryred State University

Subject: Operation WUndeR (Weirsdo Under the Rug)

Dear Sir and GOBs:
This year Operation WUndeR is forced to acknowledge some setbacks; however, with reinstatement of the proper support and strategic use of belt-tightening budget measures, I believe these can be turned to the advantage of curriculum dilution, and therefore of our fine old traditions here in the Veryred State family.
First, I must note that the retirements of Professors Dense Wriggle and Smiler Hollowman, coupled with the promotion of Gorge Crammedwell into the lower echelon of administration, have created serious obstacles for Operation WUndeR. Slight scholars in their own rights, these three selflessly devoted themselves to the exalted tasks of Administration, six-handedly compressing Dr. Weirsdo's salary, denying him Honors courses as long as possible, doing him out of endowed professorships, and tirelessly pressuring him to honor our Veryred tradition of curriculum dilution in the classroom. It is no accident that since their departure, Dr. Weirsdo has suddenly become the poster child for "quality" in the English department here. Indeed, I feel strongly that in cutting off these six right hands, Veryred has virtually amputated the legs of Operation WUndeR as well.
Fortunately, the damage has as yet been slight. Dr. Weirsdo's position on various committees designed to implement assessment procedures keeps him busy while having no real effect on any one except the Writing faculty, who in opposition to the petty demands of Weirsdo and his kind that students "learn" grammar, etc., are now more firmly in our camp than ever.
Further, while Dr. Weirsdo's four books and many articles forced the department to award Dr. Weirsdo a semester off next spring (over the objections of Mrs. Hollowman, who is still on the faculty), he has so far been locked out of the university's grant cookie jar, and this committee is hopeful that a short leave every ten years or so will not significantly increase Dr. Weirsdo's "productivity" or raise his profile in the larger academic community.
The decision to give the university's Diversity Award to the aging white male Weirsdo, while laughable at first blush, is a more serious indication that someone upstairs has dropped the ball. Actual money is involved this time! We hasten to add, however, that the amount is piddling, especially when one considers that any whining Weirsdo might be inclined to indulge in regarding supposed lack of recognition for his output will now have zero credibility.
On a more wholly positive note, not to toot my own horn, I must point out that the elimination of an Honors track from core English courses will be of enormous benefit, not only to Operation WUndeR, but to the time-honored goals of Curriculum Dilution, and therefore to the Veryred State family as a whole. When Honors students stated on the survey I administered that Honors core courses were a barrier to efficient credentialization, I immediately saw an opportunity to begin realizing my vision of an Honors track without the elitism, i. e. one that, while still clearly labeled "Honors," does not differ substantially from the regular track!
Stripping the Honors track from core English courses accomplishes a three-pronged objective: 1. It facilitates student credentialization by eliminating nonessential work. 2. It minimizes the troubling tendency to equate "Honors" work with outmoded, anti-egalitarian concepts such as "harder," "smarter," or "better." And 3. It forces Dr. Weirsdo et. al. back to real teaching and eliminates inflated teaching assessments by students who have been led to share his narrow interest in "textual analysis," "literature," and other teacher-centered concepts.
In closing, I must state that I am hopeful that suitable replacements for Professors Wriggle, Hollowman, and Crammedwell will be found, that our pressing need for administrative salary funding in the current economy will direct funds away from Weirsdo, and that his troubling obsession with course objectives, Student Learning Outcomes (SLOs), etc., will demonstrate departmental concern for those agitators who share it while effecting no fundamental disruptions of our Veryred traditions.

Yours in fellowship,
Dr. Minnie Strator
Ass. VP, Curriculum Dilution
Chair, Operation WUndeR