Footnote

Hobbes Junior wishes it known that this clip aired on ASININE NEWS represents him BEFORE his marriage to Annie, and his bare bear lady dance partner is employed by Belle Catley.

Weirsdo Roundup: Cyclical Signs

In opposition to Julia and Pansi are those who see signs of spring and renewal. Such signs include Emrald's adoption of turtles, Brittney's adoption of Danger the aye aye, Lammy's new teaching post (for her diploma certifying competence, awarded by Dr. Minnie Strator et al., see here), and Dr. Weirsdo's adoption of a secondhand Corvette convertible.
Thanks to Dr. Doo-Doo's patient Pill Man for pointing out reasons to be optimistic. After this and other shenanigans, we can only hope Axe Man will live to see another spring.

Weirsdo Roundup: Anti-Miracles

Recently, a series of mysterious manifestations have both Pansi and High Priestess Julia wondering if the End Times are upon us.

*This dead, or undead, ringer for JESUS, appeared at Pansi's Show Your Glory Church in the Netherworld, but explained to the megastar, who had been stalking him for some time, that he was dating a fiend known as "Satan's Cutie."

*Pansi had been having terrible nightmares even before this traumatic experience, and she has also noticed that cats and catlike creatures have a bizarre attraction to her, even though she is not now, and has never been, a Captist.

*Strange Images of Julia and Christopher mysteriously appeared at Show Your Glory.

*The trouble-causing "Gone with the Captist" doppelgangers struck again, portraying Annie and Hobbes Junior's marriage, which was a quiet, civic affair, as being conducted by Reverend Jimmy, Show Your Glory's spiritual leader.

*Around the same time, Brittney and Quorthon announced that they were expecting, via the fiendish Dr. Schitz' laboratory. While we do not credit the paparazzi's speculation concerning the paternity of Brittney's offspring, we believe Dr. Schitz is technically capable and morally challenged enough to add anything to the gestating mix.

If Annie forgets about Pooh, Aubvey turns sober, the Republicans fix the economy, and Brittney lies down with Lammy, remember, you read about it here first.

Ask Weirsdo: WUndeR Followup

After Dr. Minnie reported on Dr. Weirsdo's career, Tom & Icy asked if any movies would be made of his books. So far our only offer was from Mr. Banana, who wanted to make AFRICAN FEMINIST FICTION AND INDIGENOUS VALUES into AFRICAN FEMINISTA ACTION, with Indigo Valdez. I think Mr. Banana may have misunderstood what the oral tradition in African literature is really all about.
Although we felt Dr. Weirsdo's vision was not compatible with what Mr. Banana had in mind, we are not averse to the idea of film in general. In fact, I find the serendipitous connection between the above clip of my defeat by large artillery and my forthcoming essay, "Emmanuel Levinas and the American Renaissance Canon" (in Dr. Weirsdo's collection on Levinas and nineteenth-century literature) intriguing. Please address any inquiries to this blog.
And before you ask, Mr. Banana, that's Emmanuel, not Em(m)anuelle.

Operation WUndeR Update

Annual Report to the President of Curriculum Dilution and the GOB (Good Ole Boy) Network
Veryred State University

Subject: Operation WUndeR (Weirsdo Under the Rug)

Dear Sir and GOBs:

Once again, I have mixed results to report on Operation WUndeR. All of us who have worked so hard on this project are of course dismayed to learn that there is no way of blocking Dr. Weirsdo's promotion to Full Professor that would not expose us to dangerous, if unfounded, legal action. In this economy, when all of us are working so desperately to preserve the high quality of university administration by diverting taxpayer dollars from less necessary sectors, such as faculty and students, it is especially disturbing to know that Weirsdo has found a way of raising his salary.
On the other hand, we continue to deny him any extra funding or compensated time off for his supposed "research." I particularly wish to congratulate the Central Administration as a whole for their brilliant decision to deny funds for permission to publish material in what is supposed to be professors' own work. The LIBERAL Arts' faculty's whining that this hampers research by increasing their out-of-pocket costs for publication is really just a smokescreen to hide the fact that their "work" is nothing more than plagiarism, a parasitic feeding off of original authors. At the same time, if their "scholarly" output (facetiously termed "productivity") does in fact go down, these figures can be used to show those in charge of budgets, and the taxpayers of our great state, that professors are lazy good-for-nothings, and we will consequently be in a stronger position as we move to increase their workload and cut back further on benefits.
The Honors College continues to be a thorn in our side. True, Weirsdo is not allowed to use the funds they so LIBERALLY allocate to him to pay for his permissions, but he does plan to use them to gad about the world to "conferences," which, as we all know, are just parties, if indeed any gathering of professors can be so termed. Those who say that Weirsdo should be able to use the funds to assist his publication efforts are of course making laughable claims on so many levels it is unnecessary to dismiss them here. The funds should be cut entirely, and, as you are aware, I continue to register my ongoing protest at the very presence on our campus of elitist, unAmerican "Honors" education! I applaud those farseeing thinkers in the Administration who are beginning to appreciate the extent of the Honors drain on our resources in these troubled times and wish them well in their efforts to publicize and extirpate the Honors threat.
In closing, let me emphasize once again that within the supposed cloud of economic gloom and doom lurks the silver lining of stripping the faculty of their remaining trappings of dignity and bringing them to heel. Dr. Weirsdo will not be an exception, and there is no harm in allowing him a titular promotion as long as we continue to work together for our greater goals.

Yours in Fellowship,
Dr. Minnie Strator
Ass. VP, Curriculum Dilution
Chair, Operation WUndeR

Ask Weirsdo: Petesville Assassinations

In response to our latest trip down memory lane, Tom & Icy want to know if anyone was ever assassinated in Petesville.
Well T&I, does a bear, if not a lady, do its business in the woods? Of course, former Dictator Pete began his career by exploding his and Hobbes' mother, and although this was not in Petesville, it set the pattern for his future behavior up until his conversion to Captism. I don't think his successor, Tom the Lone Shark, assassinated many people, but only because his tenure was too short. Angelon has certainly committed or contracted out his share of assassinations, and goodness only knows how many such atrocities occurred on both sides leading up to, during, and in the aftermath of the Captist-UnCaptist War. Before that, there was at least one reporter disappeared by Brittney, not to mention many unfortunate outcomes of Mr. Banana's business dealings and Joon's death at the jaws of Hamster Brittney, which may or may not count. Currently, the Cat Claw Clan and UnCaptist army rival each other in fatal acts of political terrorism.
In short, yes, Tom & Icy, assassination remains a fact of life in Petesville, and even more in Ork. Stuffed Animal Planet will probably never know peace until its inhabitants have all gone on to that great Garage Sale that awaits all of us who outlive our usefulness.

Ask Weirsdo: What is a Captist?

Terry, who has come late to this party, says she has trouble understanding what a Captist is. Well, Terry, this post and its links explain a lot, but here is a little more history.
Eventually, the UnCaptists got fed up with the oppressive Captist theocracy, and a religious war began. The UnCaptists won, and the war ended when Venus, a Captist avatar, negotiated the Treaty of Petesville. After this act, the Litteral Captists, led by Hobbes' ex-wife Julia, rejected Venus' divinity, and there was a schism between this sect and mainstream Captists.
As our current on-again off-again saga, "Gone with the Captists" suggests, the fate of the Captists has been similar to that of the South in our Civil War, and they have responded with fits of insanity, myths of nobility, and terrorist organizations similar to those produced by the Reconstruction era South.
The only other major development is a possible healing of the schism between Litteral Captists and mainstream Captists, all of whom currently recognize Scarface as an Avatar of Lord Christopher.
I hope this clears everything up.

Ask Weirsdo: A Little More Info

O. k., for those who are still curious, in the clip, I am the concertmistress, Hard Solo is third stand outside, and "The Emperor" is conducting. The nickname is only a joke, because Mall Diva pretends to live in fear of all her teachers, even though they are all very kind to her (her piano teacher is most commonly referred to as "the evil vampire"). Of course, the conductor is sometimes hard on the orchestra because we do not always do what he wants as well as Mall Diva, but that is all for our own good. He has done a lot for our family, and is very generous with his time and effort on behalf of both Mall Diva and the orchestra.

Ask Anastasia: What Makes a Bear Lady

Also after the "Newlywed" post, Terry wanted to know, "If you are married to a Bear, does that make you a bear lady?" We will let Anastasia handle this one.

If only it were that easy, Miss Duff. Being a bear lady is all about being kind and gentle, and a good Captist. It is about breeding and upbringing, and refinement, but most of all about trying to make the rough path of life smoother and easier for everyone around you.
Sometimes I get sad, thinking that since the War Between the States of the Soul, everything has gotten ugly, including behavior. It seems as if Gentle Bens and Bear Ladies are a dying breed. But then I think of my Pooh, and Annie, the dearest, kindest sister a bear could have, and her brave husband, Captain Hobbes Junior, and I know it isn't true. The War of UnCaptist Aggression destroyed many things, but they were just things, of no importance. The Captist Spirit lives on in all warmhearted Captists, be they ladies or gentlemen, bears, cats, or dolls. It is that Spirit that inspires a true Bear Lady.

Ask Weirsdo: Annie's Third Wedding

After this post, Tom and Icy commented, "[W]e missed the wedding. Who was there?"
The wedding was a small, courthouse affair, T&I, because it was Annie's third, and everyone was still blaming her for Frederick's death only a short time before, and criticizing her for getting married again when she should still have been in mourning. As we have intimated from time to time, Captists can be very uptight about marriage vows.

Weirsdo Followup: More on the Orchestra

In response to this post, RBUD wanted to know if there were recordings of our good performances available. Not really. I do have a good one of "THE HEBRIDES OVERTURE," but am not sure how to put it here, and besides, there are apparently legal issues, since we used to record every concert and sell them to raise money, but now (that we're a lot better) we can't.
However, perhaps you might be interested in this clip, which I assume is legal, since it's on Youtube, and which is easy to embed. If you watch closely, you can see me, Mrs. Weirsdo, Hard Solo, and The Emperor (from Toyplayer's STRING CYCLE). You can also see how they fixed up the WPA gym. Looks like a real concert hall, doesn't it?

Ask Weirsdo: Valentine Outfits from Mall Diva

Happy Valentine's Day to all so inclined. After this post, Terry wanted to see Mall Diva's collections, and Tom and Icy asked, "Didn't she design for the Naked?" (alluding to NG4J, of course).
She did indeed, T&I, and what better Valentine's gift could there be than links to their famous fashion show celebrating the rebirth of Petesville after Pete's dictatorship? The fashion show was very long. It begins in the July, '05 archives, and continues off and mostly on through August and a good bit of September. It is fun, but also sad to look back at this sliver of Mall Diva's childhood. Enjoy.

Ask Weirsdo: The Concert

After I posted about Beethoven, RBUD wanted to know how the concert went.
It was not our best. I had a bad feeling as soon as I heard the "A," which was low. The reason is, that we play in a converted WPA gym. It used to be an actual basketball court with a stage at one end. We played on the court, because the stage was not big enough. The local college and the Symphony board spent millions of dollars to convert it into a concert hall, and it is now truly and unbelievably beautiful, with great acoustics, and the audience don't have to sit on folding chairs or in the bleachers. But the backstage area is still very small, and if anyone opens one of the many doors, it is freezing on a cold night, which this was. So my hands were cold, and my "a" was low. I had also never played any of the pieces before.
I don't really want to go into the details of how everyone did, because I like and respect everyone I work with there. I will say that tempo and ensemble were issues, and that I was rattled and did not have good concentration or intonation everywhere. This was especially disappointing because the dress rehearsal had gone really well. Try as I may, I do not have Mall Diva's consistency and focus.
Fortunately, attendance was low, too, and this probably had to do with the cold and the recent Superbowl excitement, because our last two concerts (including our popular Christmas concert) were good and went well.

Weirsdo Followup: Numbers and Naziism

After yesterday's post of Herbert von Karajan, Tom & Icy wrote: "Of course a Nazi would choose No. 8 since the 8th letter is H. A code to ID each other for Neo-Nazis and hate groups is 88, Hail Hitler."
This is all news to us, but doesn't apply to Herr von Karajan, because he was an original Nazi. I'm sure he's recorded all the Beethoven symphonies, and the first recording I ever owned (before his Naziism was generally known, at least to ten-year-olds) was his Beethoven 5. To be fair, he probably joined the party to keep his job during the War. But as Primo Levi argues, fellow travelers are even more culpable than villains, because the fellow travelers know better, and if they stood firm, the villains would never succeed.
Which leads me to ask why people who were kidnapped, rendered and tortured can get no redress in our courts because of obstruction from Obama's "Justice" Department?
Good luck, Senator Leahy.

Ask Weirsdo: Beethoven's SYMPHONY NO. 8

Tom, Icy, and RBUD were wondering if they'd ever heard this symphony. Here it is.Herbert von Karajan was a Nazi during World War II, and he never wanted women in his orchestra, but I didn't have time to dig through Youtube for a politically correct conductor with this degree of excellence.

Family Affair

Mrs. Hobbes Jr.
Originally uploaded by weirsdo

He kept her so busy with parties and sparkling mead and new people and dresses that she was almost too busy to think of Pooh.

To Tell the Truth

Annie, en route to the theater.
Originally uploaded by weirsdo

He encouraged her to speak her mind, to be flippant and daring.

Good Times

Hobbes Junior took her to plays and annoyed her by whispering that God Christopher probably didn’t approve of such amusements, and to Captist churches and, sotto voce, retailed funny obscenities and then reproved her for laughing.

Bachelor No. 3 vs. the Hobbesywood Squares

Living with Hobbes Junior was also fun and exciting, and was a very different matter from marriage with either Percy or Frederick. Hobbes Junior did not fear her as they had done, and what he wanted to do, he did, and if she did not like it, he laughed at her.

The Newlywed Show

And it was even fun to go out with Hobbes Junior for he was so handsome. Somehow she had never given his looks a thought before, but now Annie saw how the eyes of other bear ladies followed him and how they quivered when he bent over their paws. The realization that other bear ladies were attracted by her husband, and perhaps envied her, made her suddenly proud to be seen by his side.

The Honeymooners

Hobbes Junior and Annie, his bride.
Originally uploaded by weirsdo

As Hobbes Junior had prophesied, marriage could be a lot of fun. What fun it was to be able to spend as many $APs as you liked without having to count pennies or feel that you should be saving to pay taxes. What fun it was to eat all you wanted without having censorious people say you weren’t bear-ladylike, and what fun to drink all the foaming mead you pleased! And oh, what fun the beautiful clothes were that Hobbes Junior bought her, superintending the choice of colors, materials and designs himself. He favored Mall Diva collections, and eschewed the faddish FrancDoodle line.

Father Knows Best

The newlyweds.

As Hobbes Junior and Annie settled down to an opulent lifestyle in Petesville, Hobbes Senior finally tore himself away from his rollicking gang of captors and, weighed down by a crushing sense of duty, made his difficult way through Ork and toward home--and Julia. When he finally arrived, his wife, making up for lost time, kept him extremely busy. But Hobbes Senior is a sensitive bear, and he did not need many odd instants of leisure to know that all was not entirely well with his daughters and their husbands.

After Beethoven . . .

Will Annie and Hobbes Junior find true wedded happiness? Will Hobbes (Senior) ever tear himself away from, I mean be released by, his kidnappers? Stay tuned. As soon as Mrs. Weirsdo has finished performing Beethoven's 8th tomorrow, I mean tonight, we will shed light on these and other questions pertaining to "Gone with the Captists."