INDECENCY MANIAC, MAY HAVE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
(Hobbesywood Times)
COUNTRY MUST BAND TOGETHER TO COMBAT MENACE, SAYS PREZ
President Pete announced today that his government now has clearcut evidence that "Mr. Indecency," the terrorist who has been taunting Petesvilles's highest echelons with scurrilous threats over the last few days, is a maniac who has been training insurgents in the infamous Dragons gang, and may even be harboring weapons of mass destruction. The President made light of Indecency's latest efforts, saying "Reports of my deposition have been greatly exaggerated," but he struck a more serious note when revealing the latest findings of his STUPID (Storm Troopers Undercover Pretty-good Intelligence Detail) task force. "I'm not gonna lie to you, these findings are serious. Very serious," he said. "Unless Petesville rallies around its leadership, our whole way of life could be destroyed. I'm convinced that Indecency has the means and the will to do that. I truly am."
INDECENCY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DANGEROUS "FRIENDLY'S EFFECT"
Bolstering his claims, President Pete revealed that his administration has conducted exhaustive investigations into the mysterious "Friendly's Effect," first noted in connection with Indecency by enemy of the state Mrs. Weirsdo. According to noted psychiatrist and pharmacologist, Dr. Doo-Doo, who researched the syndrome with the help of spiritual healer and hypnotist Brown Bear Brownie at the Blochalela Foundation Laboratories, the "Friendly's Effect" is anything but. "As near as I could figure out, it makes you sort of, you know, out of it," Doo-Doo's report states. "You don't care what you do, because other people are just, you know, like surreal, man."
TERRORIST HAS WMD CAPABILITY, TASK FORCE SAYS
"STUPID has been looking at this issue long and hard," Pete said. "They've looked at it from every angle, and, as I say, they just cannot eliminate the possibility that Indecency has stockpiled WMDs, or may do so in the near future. The way I see it, the time for negotiation has passed."
MISS BOOP MAY BE IN DANGER
"Now, our country has a responsibility to protect our Storm Troopers first and foremost," said the President. "But we are also a people with compassion. We can't forget that an innocent life is at stake here. And if we don't act quickly, it will be a lot of innocent lives."
PRESIDENT URGES SUPPORT OF STORM TROOPERS
"The one thing that every Petesvillian can do is support our Storm Troopers," President Pete said. He went on to praise the morale building work of First Lady PANSI and the Naked Gymnastics for JESUS cast, urging citizens to speak out against attacks like those posted on Indecency's Website. "Your support means the world to our men, women, and animals out there in the field," he concluded, to wild cheers from his audience and the Storm Troopers surrounding them. "Every time you reveal a secret, betray a neighbor or coworker, or turn in a subversive journalist, you make us proud. Just keep those tips coming, and our great nation will rise again, better and stronger than ever before."
***If this revolting bit of propaganda is not enough Pansi Files to last you until the middle of June, when I hope things will have settled down in Petesville, please consider the following possibilities:
1. Browse our links. I reviewed three of my favorites in the posts preceding this one.
2. Vote for the hottest Barbie. If we get to 100 in a reasonable amount time, we will feature our "Barbie Idol."
3. Check out my favorite posts on this blog (I only came up with 11, but feel free to browse around, catch up on the story, and find your own favorites). They are listed in chronological order: 1. The Amazing Pansi; 2. Shop Till You Drop: From Mafia Moll to Hobbesbywood Superstar; 3. Turning Towards the Light: The Story of Brittney; 4. More Pansi Relatives: Minnie Strator; 5. Pansi's Diet Blog; 6. Diamonelle's Tragic Secret; 7. April's bEARTHday Show; 8. PANSI: Cave Troll Advocate; 9. Mother's Day Quilt Exhibit; 10. President Urges Support for Troopers, Not Terrorist; and 11. KEEP YOUR LOVE ALIVE. (Both these last two are linked in the "Previous Posts" in the sidebar.)
4. Sometimes it's fun to read the ads. Google's crawlers don't interpret satire well.
COUNTRY MUST BAND TOGETHER TO COMBAT MENACE, SAYS PREZ
President Pete announced today that his government now has clearcut evidence that "Mr. Indecency," the terrorist who has been taunting Petesvilles's highest echelons with scurrilous threats over the last few days, is a maniac who has been training insurgents in the infamous Dragons gang, and may even be harboring weapons of mass destruction. The President made light of Indecency's latest efforts, saying "Reports of my deposition have been greatly exaggerated," but he struck a more serious note when revealing the latest findings of his STUPID (Storm Troopers Undercover Pretty-good Intelligence Detail) task force. "I'm not gonna lie to you, these findings are serious. Very serious," he said. "Unless Petesville rallies around its leadership, our whole way of life could be destroyed. I'm convinced that Indecency has the means and the will to do that. I truly am."
INDECENCY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DANGEROUS "FRIENDLY'S EFFECT"
Bolstering his claims, President Pete revealed that his administration has conducted exhaustive investigations into the mysterious "Friendly's Effect," first noted in connection with Indecency by enemy of the state Mrs. Weirsdo. According to noted psychiatrist and pharmacologist, Dr. Doo-Doo, who researched the syndrome with the help of spiritual healer and hypnotist Brown Bear Brownie at the Blochalela Foundation Laboratories, the "Friendly's Effect" is anything but. "As near as I could figure out, it makes you sort of, you know, out of it," Doo-Doo's report states. "You don't care what you do, because other people are just, you know, like surreal, man."
TERRORIST HAS WMD CAPABILITY, TASK FORCE SAYS
"STUPID has been looking at this issue long and hard," Pete said. "They've looked at it from every angle, and, as I say, they just cannot eliminate the possibility that Indecency has stockpiled WMDs, or may do so in the near future. The way I see it, the time for negotiation has passed."
MISS BOOP MAY BE IN DANGER
"Now, our country has a responsibility to protect our Storm Troopers first and foremost," said the President. "But we are also a people with compassion. We can't forget that an innocent life is at stake here. And if we don't act quickly, it will be a lot of innocent lives."
PRESIDENT URGES SUPPORT OF STORM TROOPERS
"The one thing that every Petesvillian can do is support our Storm Troopers," President Pete said. He went on to praise the morale building work of First Lady PANSI and the Naked Gymnastics for JESUS cast, urging citizens to speak out against attacks like those posted on Indecency's Website. "Your support means the world to our men, women, and animals out there in the field," he concluded, to wild cheers from his audience and the Storm Troopers surrounding them. "Every time you reveal a secret, betray a neighbor or coworker, or turn in a subversive journalist, you make us proud. Just keep those tips coming, and our great nation will rise again, better and stronger than ever before."
***If this revolting bit of propaganda is not enough Pansi Files to last you until the middle of June, when I hope things will have settled down in Petesville, please consider the following possibilities:
1. Browse our links. I reviewed three of my favorites in the posts preceding this one.
2. Vote for the hottest Barbie. If we get to 100 in a reasonable amount time, we will feature our "Barbie Idol."
3. Check out my favorite posts on this blog (I only came up with 11, but feel free to browse around, catch up on the story, and find your own favorites). They are listed in chronological order: 1. The Amazing Pansi; 2. Shop Till You Drop: From Mafia Moll to Hobbesbywood Superstar; 3. Turning Towards the Light: The Story of Brittney; 4. More Pansi Relatives: Minnie Strator; 5. Pansi's Diet Blog; 6. Diamonelle's Tragic Secret; 7. April's bEARTHday Show; 8. PANSI: Cave Troll Advocate; 9. Mother's Day Quilt Exhibit; 10. President Urges Support for Troopers, Not Terrorist; and 11. KEEP YOUR LOVE ALIVE. (Both these last two are linked in the "Previous Posts" in the sidebar.)
4. Sometimes it's fun to read the ads. Google's crawlers don't interpret satire well.
Labels: Barbies, Betty Boop, Brown Bear Brownie, Doo-Doo Man, Dragons gang, Dubya, HOBBESYWOOD TIMES, Indeterminacy, Mrs. Weirsdo, NG4J, Pansi, Pete, Petesville
posted by Hobbes at 7:53 PM
10 Comments:
Wow! We have broadband, but only a 28k modem brain, so it may take us a couple weeks to digest all that! One thing before you go that we wanted to ask: it seems when we first voted on the poll, Doo Doo Man was on there and we voted for him, and then suddenly his name was removed. Is it just for the girls? Couldn't he wear a wig or something if he won, and he would win hands down! Or are we mistaken about him being on there in the beginning?
I had difficulties with the poll when I first put it up, but finally got it all straightened out with the company that had the coolest colors. They also had limited answers, though, so I can't add Doo-Doo Man. He's a Ken, anyway, and so technically ineligible.
That's o. k. He knows he's hot stuff.
P. S. before I go (gosh, can't bear to leave): "Friendly's Effect" is Pansi's stab at "Verfremdungseffekt" (see my Indie review), in case you were wondering.
We'll study up while your gone.
I look forward to taking time to educate myself on the goings on of this story.
The links you provided will help me become better acquainted with all the characters, and then I can make an educated decision as to whose side I'll be on.
Dr. Doo Doo...
How do I make an appointment with him?
:)
President Pete: I know about your illicit affair with that intern. The photos are in a safe place, ready to be posted. If anything happens to me, they will be made public, as well as the remaining Barbie photos.
Indie, how did you get those Barbies to pose for you, anyway? I hear Doo Doo man hooked you up and he's willing to testify.
Doo Doo man and Pete are doing a lot of illegal file trading of porno films, and they accidentally shared their private photo directory.
OK, I'm up to 2-3/day checking to see if Weirsdo's back. Anyone else need zoloft?
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